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Q. Why do Football Players Wear Helmets? A. To Keep Tom Brady From Kissing Them.

Updated: Jan 22, 2020

Tom Brady is best known for having one hell of an arm and one babe of a wife. He’s won 6 Championships with the Patriots proving to be one of the most talented QBs in the sport which, in return, has caused every New England fan to ignore the fact that he’s a play clock-cheating, ball-deflating, kid-kissing weirdo. Yes, you read that last part right.

Brady likes to kiss his loved ones right smack on the lips. And I’m not talking about a quick peck or a passionate kiss with his wife. In 2018 Tom starred in a documentary called “Tom vs. Time”, which I never saw but the name implies it highlights his difficult struggle living with Benjamin Buttons Disease. In one scene, Brady is getting a massage wearing little more than a loin cloth and beckons his son over to him for a kiss. I know what you’re thinking, “there’s nothing wrong with a father and son showing some affection”, but that’s not what made the moment so wrong, it was the fact that his nearly nude, on screen kiss with his son lasted uncomfortably long. He has also been caught on camera kissing his dad on the lips which most people stop doing by the time they hit puberty.

If you ask any Pats fan about it, they’ll deny the absurdity of these incidents, defend him till death and, more than likely, claim that even they’d let Tom Brady kiss them on the lips. What is it about New England fans that makes them blind to the weird and wrongful ways of their athletes?

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